To hell and back
by Sugargirl5
Summary: Scenes of New Moon written from Edward's POV. Ch.1: Edward's thoughts on being away from Bella; ch.2: Reunion in Volterra; ch.3-4: The plane flight back home; ch.5: the confrontation with Charlie; ch.6: Edward's talk with Carlisle and Esme; ch.7: Epilogue
1. Doomed to failure

**Hi everyone! I'm thinking of starting a new story with some scenes of New Moon written from Edward's perspective, but only if there's enough interest. The first chapter is Edward's POV of the day before Rosalie calls him to tell him Bella has jumped off a cliff.**

**P.S. I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes in the following chapters, but I'm not a native speaker.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything, Edward too… The only reason I don't hate her is because she's one of the best authors on this planet, so I guess she deserves Edward *sigh*… :)**

**Doomed to failure**

'Bella…' I half whispered, half moaned. 'Bella…'

It had been precisely six months, sixteen days and eight hours since I'd last seen her, since I'd last breathed in her incomparable scent and kissed her soft forehead before disappearing into the woods. Once I had been far enough I'd finally let my body feel the pain, really feel it. I had let out a desperate and agonized cry as my knees buckled beneath me and I crumbled onto the ground. My entire body ached – except the hole in my chest where my heart should have been, for I'd left that with her. It seemed like thousands of knifes where piercing my stone skin and at the same time someone was tearing me to pieces.  
I had been sitting there for a while, letting the pain wash over me, pulling me down as tearless sobs wracked my body while I tried my very best not to sprint back to my love, my life, my Bella.

And now I was sitting here, in a dark, gross cellar in South-America, mourning over the one girl I had ever loved and the one girl I would ever love.  
I'd been euphoric for months, living in what I believed to be my own little heaven on earth, while – in reality – it was a ticking bomb, waiting eagerly to explode and destroy everything.

I closed my eyes and saw Bella, as always. In all those months there hadn't been one second in which she wasn't on my mind. I always saw her, and I thanked heaven every day that I had a photographic memory; I could recall the endless depth of her eyes perfectly, the adorable blush that covered her cheeks whenever I would touch her, the warmth she radiated…  
My head sunk between my knees as I tortured myself with images of Bella, but though those images were haunting me, I didn't want to – and I simply couldn't stop reviving those perfect memories. I was addicted, just like I was addicted to her… Sometimes I really felt like a junkie who was trying to resist what he craved the most, but who was already doomed to fail at his attempts…

No, no, no, no, no! Damn it, no!

My two favorite words to describe my ridiculous plans to return to Forks were pathetic and selfish. _Selfish…_ It had once been the most repulsive word for me, but not anymore. In my mind, it used to be automatically connected to Bella changing into one of us. Now, when I thought the word, it was connected with returning to Bella. It seemed like a beautiful word now, because if I would let 'selfish' conquer, I would be happy again. All the agony of the past months would vanish, it would just be a horrible nightmare, a distant – yet very real – memory…

'_Just to see if she's happy…' _A little voice in my head pleaded. _'If she's happy you'll just go back, she doesn't need to know you've been there…'_

I sighed. Only a very, very thin string – ready to snap anytime – was holding me in place right now. I knew I would grasp every little chance or excuse with both hands to justify the decision that would mean the end of this almost unbearable pain… and the end of Bella's safety. Her happiness and safety were much more important than any pain I could possibly endure, right?

'_But what if she isn't happy? What if she wants you to come back?'_ The voice was back, louder than before.

'_Like she would ever want me back,'_ I argued with myself.

Even if I would be pathetic enough to give in to my desires and go back to my sanctuary, I would have to beg on my knees for years and even then she would have absolutely no reason to take me back. But I could always try, and just being in her presence – if she would allow me that – would be pure bliss in comparison to this…

_No. _I would not go and see her. I would not intrude her safe world again. I would not ruin her life. She deserved a happy life with someone who could give her everything I couldn't; a normal human life, children, growing old together…  
I would just stay here in this pointless cellar, reliving pointless memories of my one and only love while enduring my pointless life.

For now.

**Please review me, reviewers will get a sneak peek of the next chapter :)!**


	2. Author's note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE (I'm sorry, I hate them too)**

**Okay, to be honest: I'm a little pissed. I've had some really great reviews on the first chapter, and then one person who named herself 'buttface' has to ruin my entire day. I don't care if you don't like my story, but I think her review went a little out of line. If someone tells me I should get off the ** internet to suck off someone's dick because my writing sucks, I can't help but being a little offended. I'm always happy with reviews and I like constructive criticism, but at least tell me what's wrong with this story then.**

**Also, about where I'm going with this story: the summary says the chapters are going to be scenes of New Moon written from Edward's perspective, so of course it will resemble the book in a way.**

**Anyway, I'll write another chapter when I feel a little better.**


	3. Shakespearean moment

**First I'd like to thank everyone for all the sweet reviews: thanks guys, I loved them all! (To gimpy810: you left a non-signed review so I want to thank you this way: I loved your review, thank you so much!)**

**Anyway: here's the next chapter :)!**

**Shakespearean moment**

Death. Sweet oblivion. My only hope was that death would somehow grant me some peace, though I could hardly believe that even death could make this kind of pain disappear. What if this pain would continue to be, even when I was a pile of ashes? What if I would feel this agony, this torment, this pure hell on earth forever?  
I figured the Volturi would give me my way once I could make them understand that I had nothing to live for anymore. I didn't care if it would hurt when they ripped me to pieces and burned me; I didn't even think I would feel the flames, I felt like I had already died a thousand deaths.

I was standing in a little alley, trying to hold back the urge to kill all the humans on the large plaza in front of me; I was thirsty and I couldn't seem to remember the reason why I shouldn't extinguish the fire in my throat. What did it matter? The world had stopped spinning anyway, the universe had become meaningless… Those other people must feel this too, right? They must feel the emptiness of their existence, without the one human that made it worth to keep living it?

Then a face flashed through my mind. Carlisle. I couldn't disappoint him, not even now. I thought about him for a fraction of a second, let him share my mind with Bella, and then my thoughts were back focused on my love. _Bella_. I wanted to scream again, I wanted to destroy something, like I had done after the phone call…The cellar where I had spent many weeks wasn't there anymore, I had crumbled every single brick until there was just a pile of dust left. Which was exactly what I hoped to be in a couple of minutes.

'I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry…' I whispered. 'I love you… I'm coming to you, love. It won't be long now, I'm almost there…'

But what if I wasn't going to heaven? What if I wasn't going to be with her? I knew that I didn't deserve to be with my angel in heaven, but I wanted it so badly…  
So, in case I wouldn't have another chance to do so, I thought about all the moments we'd shared together in the months that would always be my life. Before those months I didn't know what _really_ living was, but Bella had taught me to enjoy life, to love…

I thought about us in the meadow, declaring our love for each other. I thought about the feeling of her warm hands on my cold, hard skin; about the trusting and loving look in her eyes when she looked at me; about her beauty, inside and out…  
A smile played around the corners of my lips as I thought about her adorable clumsiness.

'I'm almost there, my love. I'm coming to you.' I murmured as I prepared myself to take a step forward, to allow the sun to make my skin glisten…

'Edward!' A voice called my name. But it wasn't just any voice, it was the voice of my angel. Was I already in heaven, then? I hadn't felt anything…

The familiar scent hit my nostrils at the same time something soft and warm smashed against me.

Automatically, I reached out to catch it, to cradle it in my arms. I opened my eyes and saw the one face I would happily die for.

'Bella…' I murmured, very soft and low.

So I _was_ in heaven after all, I could hardly believe it. All this time I had been wrong, all this time I apparently _did _have a soul, though I still could hardly believe it.

'Amazing,' I said, 'Carlisle was right.'

'Edward!' she gasped. 'You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!'

What was she saying? Why was she looking so worried and scared? She was in heaven, she shouldn't be scared anymore. I lifted my hand and softly caressed her cheek to try to comfort her.

'I can't believe how quick it was,' I spoke again, I was still amazed by my painless death. 'I didn't feel a thing. They're very good.' I closed my eyes and pulled her closer, kissing her hair while breathing in her scent. '_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_,' I quoted. 'You smell just exactly the same as always, so maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care, I'll take it.'

It dawned on me, then, that we were really having a Shakespearean moment. We had both died for each other, not that I was worth dying for, but still… Her love for me must have been much stronger than I had thought. And now we were together, just like Romeo and Juliet would always be together.

'I'm not dead!' Bella interrupted my . 'And neither are you! Please, Edward, we have to move!'

She struggled in my arms, but I tightened them around her – I couldn't let her go, not now I just had her back. I was confused too, what was she talking about?

'What was that?' I asked.

'We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here, before the Volturi-'

She's not dead. I'm not dead. She's not dead. She's alive. She's not dead.  
My thoughts kept going on and on in the same circle as I snatched her away from the sunlight, pressing her back against the wall of the alley and crouching in front of her, my arms wide.

Two black cloaks came toward us, moving slowly and thinking about the different ways to kill us.

**I'm going to stop here, because I think it would get boring if I would write everything from Edward's POV, it would be too much the same as Bella's perspective.  
The next chapter will contain a few scenes, for example Edward's thoughts on the plane from Italy back home.  
Please review me, I love all your amazing feedback!**


	4. Contemplations part 1

**Thank you everyone for the reviews! Keep them coming :)! I'm sorry you had to wait a little longer for this update, but I'm currently writing for four stories on this site and school started again this week, so I'm pretty busy :).  
This chapter is part one of Edward's thoughts during the trip home from Italy to Forks.**

**Contemplations (part 1)**

Warmth. Fire. Desire. Burn. Relief. Hope. Love. Adoration.

I was astonished. I was feeling more emotions per second than I'd ever dared to hope I would feel again during the rest of my endless existence – and it was all because of the girl I was holding in my arms right now. My Bella. She was safe, back in my arms, and I would never, _never_ let anyone hurt her again. Not even me.

I seemed to have more difficulties to control my strength than I remembered; I wanted to crush her against my chest, never let go of her, wrap my arms around her so tightly so we could never be separated again. But I knew the only thing that would have the power to make me go away again was her word. If she would ask me to leave… I wouldn't really go away – I knew I wasn't capable of doing so –, I would always look after her, make sure danger didn't find her again, but I wouldn't invade her life if she didn't want me to.

In my head, I was going over countless ways to win her back and to declare my love for her. I could kiss every inch of her body, I could take her back to our meadow and to every place in the world she desired to go to, I could say a thousand times that I loved her... or I could simply fall down on my knees and beg her to take me back, which was probably the most likely way to gain her forgiveness.  
Not that she was ever going to forgive me of course, I was just giving myself hope – in vain. But I _would_ do every single thing in my power to win her trust back, to show her how much I loved and adored her…

Just in case she chose to do the obvious, I printed every detail of her perfect face into my memory, every curve of her glorious body, every spark in her gorgeous eyes.  
I kissed her eyelids, her soft cheeks, my lips brushed against her forehead and neck, caressed her hair and temples… and it would never, ever be enough, I would always want more. And the worst thing was that I'd had it all. I'd had it for a couple of blissful months, and then I had thrown it away, lost it because I made the worst mistake of my entire life. No, the worst mistake anyone had ever made. I left.  
I understood Romeo much better now; all the mistakes he made, he made them for Juliet. Love wasn't logic, it didn't make any sense, and it made you do things that didn't make any sense. I could hardly remember the reason why I left in the first place; what on earth could be more important than being with my Bella?  
Of course I was just fooling myself. I remembered the reason why I'd had to leave very well: I wanted her to be safe. _That_ was more important than my own desire to be with her, than my own happiness.  
But after what I'd seen in Alice's head I knew that Bella would never be safe. Apparently, during the months that I was gone, she had managed to become _friends_ with werewolves, to go cliff diving _for fun _and who knows what else she had done.  
So I had to stay. If she wanted me to.

I looked down at her again. She looked like she was exhausted, but trying her very best not to give in to the urge to close her eyes. Every time she blinked, she seemed to have more trouble to open her eyes again. I wanted to say something about it, but I was terrified that she would try to move then, and selfish as I was, I wanted to hold her close to me, to breathe in and devour her scent and feel her soft, warm skin against my lips.

'_Edward.' _Alice called me. _'Don't think you're off the hook so easily. We're going to have a talk later. Seriously, what were you thinking, you idiot? You nearly gave me a heart attack, not to speak of Esme and Carlisle! If you don't care about me, that's fine, but how could you do that to them? Jasper's probably going to be furious with me because…'_

I tuned her out, focusing on Bella only. I'd deal with my family later. I'd deal with Rosalie later, I added, and even in my mind her name was covered with acid. She'd made me believe that I'd lost Bella for twenty-four hours and as if that wasn't bad enough already, she'd also put her in great danger. But, like I said, I'd deal with her later. Now all that mattered was getting Bella home safe.

**Sorry, I don't know if this was a boring chapter or not… This was mainly focused on Edward's thoughts, so not much interaction here… Anyway, let me know what you think please!**


	5. Contemplations part 2

**Second part of Contemplations! The journey back home through Edward's thoughts continues…**

**P.S. I'm sorry for the short chapters, but real life is very time-consuming these days… And this one is a little longer :).**

**Contemplations (part 2)**

I could hear my family's thoughts the moment I stepped out of the plane. Jasper was furious because my 'ridiculous conduct' had endangered Alice, but relief was the second greatest emotion in his mind. Carlisle and Esme were beyond relief, they were so exultant to have me back that an enormous wave of guilt washed over me, though Jasper might have had something to do with that too. Carlisle and Esme were in fact the only reason why I hadn't killed myself immediately after I left Bella. I didn't see the point in living without her, but I knew how much I would hurt the people that had been my parents for over eight decades, so I stayed 'alive', if that's what you could call it. However, I had been wallowing the past few months, and I knew I didn't deserve this welcome at all. They shouldn't be happy that I was back, they shouldn't even let me come back… and neither should Bella. But that fact couldn't crush every bit of hope I had, I would still hope and pray and plead that she would somehow find enough forgiveness in her heart so she could maybe, some day, try to love me again. But… what if she couldn't? What if she would tell me to go away and never come back? Would I – could I – leave her again to give her what she deserved: a normal, happy, human life?

I shook my head, trying to erase these wrecking thoughts so I could compose my expression enough not to cause my family even more pain than I already had. And of course it wasn't that hard to clear my head, I just had to look at Bella and all I could think of was her. The feeling of coming home when her soft, warm body curled against mine in the plane, the blissful feeling of my arm around her waist, supporting most of her weight as we got out of the plane, the electric spark when my lips touched her skin… I gazed down adoringly at her exhausted face, drinking in the depths of the brown eyes that had existed only in my memory for over six months.

'_Bella!' _the sound of Esme's mind, now much closer, shook me out of my moment of adoration. '_I've missed her so much! Oh, she looks very tired... And she's so pale and thin, poor thing… And Edward, my son.' _Esme was looking at me now, and her thoughts weren't forming words anymore, only an immense feeling of relief. Relief that I was safe, that I'd found Bella again, that I would be back… If Bella wanted me back, I added bitterly.

'_Edward,' _Carlisle called me through his mind. _'Are you really alright? No-one hurt you or Bella? Alice?'_ I shook my head and smiled at him. It was an apologizing smile, though I would apologize for real later. _'I can't tell you how happy I am that you are safe, son,'_ he went on.

We had reached them by now and Esme stretched out her arms to embrace Bella. Inexplicable fury suddenly raged through me. She couldn't take Bella away from me! I tightened my arm around her and held her close as I allowed Esme to hug her briefly. I heard her whisper something into Bella's ear, but I didn't even hear what it was, the rage occupied my mind entirely.  
I knew it wasn't Esme who I didn't want to take Bella from me, though. It was the little voice in the back of my head that had suddenly become much louder. It shouted the names of all my rivals: Jacob Black – her werewolf friend –, Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie – the human boys… Would one of them take Bella away from me? Or _had_ one of them already taken her?

'_Edward, control yourself,' _Alice chided me. She and Jasper had had their little reunion and were both eager to get home as soon as possible. I turned my head and gave her one short nod, she was right, I had to get it together.

Esme threw her arms around me then, hugging me to her body fiercely as if she never wanted to let me go.

'You will _never_ put me through that again.' she almost growled at me, but her anger wasn't very convincing – her mind was still screaming relief and happiness.

'Sorry, Mom,' I said, smiling apologetically again. She beamed when I called her 'Mom', I knew she loved it.

'_It's alright, honey. I'm just so glad you're back home safe,' _she thought.

Carlisle thanked Bella too. 'Thank you, Bella. We owe you.'

'Hardly,' Bella mumbled, her voice sleepy.

'She's dead on her feet,' Esme reprimanded me. 'Let's get her home.'

I tightened my arm around Bella once again and Esme wrapped her arm around Bella too, she really did seem as if she needed the extra support. I kept looking down at her worriedly, she was so tired… maybe I should carry her? But what if she didn't _want_ me to carry her? Maybe she didn't even like my arm around her, though she hadn't said anything about it…

I felt her freeze in shock for a second when we reached the car and she saw Rosalie and Emmett and I stiffened too.

'_Hey, bro. You nearly gave me a heart attack, kid. Don't do that again,' _Emmett thought.

'I'm sorry,' I murmured, too low for Bella to hear. I knew Emmett had missed me terribly, we'd always been very close. But then my eyes met Rosalie's and I snarled under my breath.

'Don't,' Esme whispered. 'She feels awful.'

Excellent. And I would make sure she wouldn't feel awful, but agonized when I was done with her.

'She should,' I said aloud, not even bothering to keep my voice down.

'It's not her fault,' Bella said, but I hardly paid attention. It _was_ her fault, and she would pay for it.

'Let her make amends,' Esme tried again, looking me in the eyes pleadingly. 'We'll ride with Alice and Jasper.'

I was still glaring at Rosalie until Bella pleaded with me again. 'Please, Edward.'

I sighed and towed Bella toward the car quickly, I didn't think she could stand on her feet much longer.

'_Don't be too harsh on Rose, Edward. She really is sorry,' _Emmett thought. I rolled my eyes.

Emmett started the car and Rosalie turned around, looking me straight into the eyes.

'Edward…' she began. _'I'm so sorry,'_ she finished in her thoughts, not saying the words out loud.

'I know,' I snapped, I wasn't going to let her off the hook so easily.

'Bella,' she asked softly. Bella's eyes opened again, her expression shocked, and I realized Rosalie had never spoken directly at her before. She'd mostly just ignored her last summer.

'Yes, Rosalie?' she asked, her voice insecure.

'I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me.' She sounded sincere, even her thoughts, and that was a first for Rosalie.

'Of course, Rosalie,' Bella mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. 'It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped of the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you.' Of course. For Bella forgiveness almost seemed to come natural. I wonder if she'd forgive me as easily too… But I had to concentrate on her and her alone right now. And she really needed to get some sleep, her words didn't even come out coherent anymore.

'It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose,' Emmett said, his voice cheerful as always.

'I'm conscious,' Bella muttered, but I didn't think her voice would have been audible for human ears.

'Let her sleep,' I insisted, my voice a little less harsh.

The rest of the ride I spent about the same as the flight – I was constantly staring at Bella and lightly pressing my lips against her forehead or hair. The only difference was that I had to block out Emmett's cheery thoughts; he was already making plans to wrestle and play chess with me, have a baseball game with the entire family and all the other things they hadn't done since I'd left.  
We reached Charlie's house far too soon according to me, because now I would really have to face reality…

I opened the car door and lifted Bella into my arms, cradling her against my chest carefully.

'Bella!' Charlie shouted. His thoughts weren't coherent because of the all-consuming rage he felt when he looked at me.

'Charlie…' Bella mumbled.

'Shh,' I whispered soothingly, 'it's okay. You're home and safe. Just sleep.'

'I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here!' Charlie yelled, obviously at me.

'Stop it, Dad!' Bella moaned quietly, probably too quiet for Charlie to hear.

'What's wrong with her?' Charlie demanded.

'She's just very tired, Charlie. Please let her rest.' _And please don't take her away from me, _I pleaded quietly.

But this seemed to upset him even more. 'Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me! Get your hands off of her!'

No! Please, please, please no… Don't take her away from me…

I tried to hand her over to Charlie anyway. She wasn't mine. Not anymore. But her fingers grasped my shirt frantically, holding on to me tightly.  
Charlie wouldn't have it, though, he kept tugging her arm, his mind confused. He was thinking how it was possible that she would want to be with me after all I'd done to her. How indeed?

'Cut it out, Dad!' Bella tried to yell, but her voice was still weak. 'Be mad at _me_.'

'You bet I will be! Get inside!' Charlie's roar was a little more convincing than Bella's weak attempt to yell. Just a little.

'Okay… Let me down,' Bella sighed.

I carefully set her onto her feet, though my head was screaming at me not to let her go. Of course I should've remembered that Bella couldn't even manage to walk on a flat surface when she was awake, so when she was half sleepwalking, it was a disaster. As soon as she tried to take a step forward, her muscles seemed to give up and she fell forward. My hands shot out, almost too fast to be human speed, and caught her before her face hit the concrete.

'Just let me get her upstairs, then I'll leave.' I looked at Charlie, begging him with my eyes to let me be with her just a little bit longer.

He grumbled something that sounded like admission and I quickly carried her upstairs, lying her down onto her bed gently. Even unconscious, her fingers refused to let go of my shirt and the little spark of hope flared a bit brighter. I kissed her forehead softly and whispered 'I'll be back soon, love,'.

'Out. _Now,_' Charlie hissed furiously.

I nodded briefly and walked out of the door, leaving my heart there on the bed with Bella.

**Charlie's POV of the last scene is chapter 11 of one of my other stories, "Inside their minds".  
I think the next chapter will be the last one. I'm going to write Edward's talk to his family and maybe the confrontation with Bella, Edward and Jacob in the woods (the epilogue from Edward's POV).  
Please review, I value your opinions!**


	6. And the spark became a flame

**New chapter's finally up :)! Thanks so much for the reviews and support, I wish I could give you each your own Edward… *sigh* Nah, I'd probably keep him all for myself, but I **_**would**_** give you each a picture of him ;)!**

**And the spark became a flame**

I ran home, wanting to be back with Bella as soon as possible. I had a plan, a very simple one, but I just had to try not to look forward more than five minutes to prevent myself from going insane. I was going home, change my dirty clothes and then run back to her. Simple, as I said.

When I came home, I stopped for a second to take in the large white house in front of me. The last memories I had from this place were the day we left, and of course the evening of Bella's disastrous birthday. No. I couldn't think of that right now. Focus. Go in. Clothes. Bella.

I went in the house and instantly tried to run up the stairs, not looking over to my family who were all sitting in the living room.

'_Edward,' _Carlisle called me. _'We want to talk to you for a moment, son, and then you can go back to Bella. It won't take long, I promise.'_

I hesitated. The hollow, aching feeling I knew so well from the past couple of months was slowly coming back. I needed Bella. I needed to explain to her… I needed to beg her to take me back.  
But I knew Bella wasn't the only one I owed an explanation. Eventually the guilt I felt for causing my parents and the rest of my family so much distress won out. It's not like they had seen much of me during those agonizing months, and I'd hardly said anything when they'd called me. If I'd answered the phone in the first place.

'_Only for a moment, then I can go back to her,'_ I told myself.

I looked at them now. Alice was sitting on Jasper's lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her – I knew how he felt, he didn't want to let her go again. Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the couch, looking at me with expressions full of love and concern. Love and concern I didn't deserve at all.

'_I'm so glad you're back, honey. I've missed you so much. We all did.' _Esme, of course. She'd always loved me more than I deserved.

'_I'm going to kick your ass later, but I'm glad you're back,' _Jasper thought, grinning at me. I smiled back, relieved that he wasn't too mad at me.

Then Carlisle spoke aloud for the entire family. 'We can't even begin to explain how glad we are to have you back with us, Edward, where you belong. But we have to talk about what happened.'

I nodded. I didn't really know what I was going to tell them, though, because I was still planning on doing exactly the same the day Bella would… go to the place where she belonged. But that place was taken away from me forever; murderers and blood-crazed monsters didn't get a ticket into heaven – not that I blamed them.

Then an image flooded Alice's mind, and I snarled at her.

'_No,_' I said through clenched teeth.

I couldn't bear to think of the vision that had haunted me since the first time I'd met Bella, not now. The image of Alice and Bella, Alice's arm around Bella's cold, white shoulders, and Bella's beautiful brown eyes were blood red, expressionless, lifeless…

'But Edward, it's the only way…' Alice said, looking me in the eyes pleadingly. Then she went on in her thoughts. _'I don't want to lose you. You're my favorite brother, what would I do without you? What would I do without my best friend and sister? Don't be so selfish all the time, Edward, this isn't just about you anymore.'_

'_Selfish?_ You know what would be selfish, Alice? Let me tell you. I would be selfish if I would realize that sick little vision of yours. Of course I want Bella to be with me forever, but I… I don't… she might not even want me anymore.' No matter how hard I tried to keep my tone just angry, my voice broke at the end of my sentence and a dry sob left my body.

Instantly, Esme was next to me and she pulled me into a hug.

'Shh, Edward, it's all right now. Of course she'll still want you, she loves you so much, son. More than you realize. Now go back to her and you'll see that everything will be all right in no time.'

'_We'll continue this conversation later on, Edward,' _Carlisle thought.

I nodded and looked into Carlisle's worried eyes one more time before kissing Esme on the cheek and running upstairs to change into a new outfit – I was still wearing the same clothes I'd worn when I went to Volterra. I didn't even take the time to go downstairs, I just leaped out of the window, taking a jump over the river and ran back, finally letting the small spark of hope flare up to a little flame.

**After this chapter, one more to go. I decided to divide the chapter into two pieces, because it would be too long otherwise. The next chapter is going to be New Moon's epilogue from Edward's perspective. I'm not going to write the rest, because I kind of did my own version in "Back with my love" and it would be too similar to the book, because the last part of New Moon is (according to me) one of the few scenes where Edward's really saying what he's thinking.**

**Please review, it makes me update faster :).**


	7. Mine

**Hello everyone! I'm so, so sorry I haven't updated in almost two weeks, but I've been sick, flu :-(. And also, this chapter is **_**very**_** long, so it took me a while to write it. Anyway, I'm back and this is the last chapter for this story... It's the epilogue of New Moon, aka the conversation with Jacob in the woods.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor one of the quotes. **_**(Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet; Act V, Sc. III **_**and **_**Ludwig Von Beethoven) **_

**Mine**

I was sitting in my car, waiting for Bella to come out of _Newton's Outfitters_ to drive her home. Everything had returned back to normal, I was back with my angel who had forgiven me against all my expectations. Well, not everything had returned back to normal. I shuddered as I thought about last night.  
Once again, I'd been holding Bella, gently rocking her back and forth and whispering soothing words as she sobbed against my chest. Once again, I'd had to endure seeing her whimper and cry in her sleep before she woke up screaming – she still dreamt every night about me leaving. And once again, I'd been reminded that I was unworthy of her, that a cad, a monster like me shouldn't be with an innocent, sweet, beautiful, smart, angelic-

The door opened and Bella came out of the store, turning around one more time to wave at Mike before her eyes searched the street for my car. I quickly got out and walked towards her.

'Good afternoon, love. How was work?' I asked as I took her by the hand and led her to the car.

'Fine, thank you.' She smiled sweetly as I opened her door and helped her in.

I turned the key and the engine started purring softly. I looked at her face and she seemed thoughtful and a bit sad. I knew she'd tried to call Jacob again during her shift with the same result as always. I hated seeing her sad, especially because that _dog_ was the one who caused the little wrinkle between her eyebrows.

'Did you try to call Jacob again?' I asked softly, though I already knew the answer.

'Yes,' she sighed. 'I know I shouldn't even bother to do so, but…' she trailed off, still looking sad, but just when I wanted to ask her what I could do to make her feel better, her expression changed from sadness to rage. 'You know what? It's just plain rude! Downright insulting!'

She was right, it was very rude – she deserved so much better than her so-called friend. The only reason I hadn't ripped his throat out yet was because I knew it would upset Bella.

'Billy said he didn't want to talk to me,' she continued. 'That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!'

Why didn't she see that this entire situation had nothing to do with her? It was all my fault.

'It's not you, Bella,' I said. 'No-one hates you.'

'Feels that way,' she grumbled.

I sighed. Seriously, when was that girl going to see herself clearly? How could anyone ever hate her?

'Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you. He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply.' _And he's probably head-over-heels in love with you, _I added silently.

'That's stupid. He knows you're not... like other vampires.' Always that blind, undeserved trust.

'There's still a good reason to keep distance.' _A reason that you never understood, or never wanted to understand. The reason why I left to protect you._

'Bella, we are what we are. I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k-' I broke off just in time and looked at Bella anxiously. 'Before I hurt him,' I corrected myself. 'You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen.' And I certainly didn't want her around when the dog lost control.

She still hadn't moved since my slip up and her heart was beating very fast. I was hoping – in vain – that she hadn't noticed what I was going to say, until she spoke again.

'Edward Cullen,' she whispered, 'were you about to say '_killed_ him'? Were you?'

'I would try... _very_ hard... not to do that.' That was the most honest answer I could give her.

Her heartbeat was slowly returning to normal again and I could see that she was trying to keep it casual.

'Well, nothing like that is ever going to happen,' she said, letting out a shaky breath. 'So there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home right now before I get in more trouble for being late.'

Then I heard Charlie's thoughts. I could've heard them before, but I was too wrapped up in Bella's fascinating reactions to pay much attention to anything else but her and the road.

But now… His thoughts were slightly harder to hear than other people's minds, a little like Bella's silent mind, but I could still hear the most important things.

'_How dare she? Irresponsible… Dangerous… Told her so many times… Death trap… ride bikes… Jacob, irresponsible, bad influence…'_

He knew about the motorbikes. And Jacob had told him. Why, why would he do this to her? How did he dare hurting her?

'You're already in more trouble, Bella.' As soon as I spoke she clutched my arm, frantically looking at the road, searching for the danger.

I could hear the dog's mind too. He was still there. Good.

'_Maybe I shouldn't have… No. I did the right thing. I have to protect her from the bloodsucker. He doesn't even let her see me! Like I'd ever hurt her, unlike _him_, _he_'s hurt her.' _I winced at the images in his mind. A broken Bella… _'Oh, good, the leech is here. Bring it on, bloodsucker!'_

I was going over the possibilities in my mind. I could fight him, of course. A fight I would both win and lose. I'd win from the dog, but I'd lose Bella… No. No fight. He wanted to talk to me, but I wasn't sure if it was going to be safe, for Bella… There was too little time to decide what to do, I'd just have to wait and do what I had to when the moment came.

'What? What is it?' Bella asked, still searching for danger.

'Charlie-' I began, but she cut me off.

'My dad?!' She was panicking now, probably thinking about Victoria.

'Charlie is... probably _not_ going to kill you, but he's thinking about it,' I finished.

I didn't park in front of Bella's house but I parked it in the woods because I knew that that's where Jacob was waiting to 'have a talk with me'. Talk, right. Like the pup was going to be able to control himself.

We were surrounded by the familiar trees and the various shades of green and brown were at the same time comforting and terrifying. I had some memories in this forest, near these trees, that had been haunting me for months.

'_We're leaving, Bella.'_

'_Bella, I don't want you to come with me.'_

'_You're not good for me, Bella.'_

I shuddered and shook my head to try not to think of the indelible, tormenting memories.

'What did I do?' Bella asked, for the hundredth time saving me in so many ways.

I didn't answer but just gave a meaningful nod toward the motorbike in front of the house. Even for human eyes, the shiny red paint must be visible, even through the leaves. She gasped.

'No! _Why?_ Why would Jacob do this to me?' she cried out, pain and astonishment obvious in her voice. Ah, my sweet, innocent Bella. She still had so much to learn. For instance, she should learn not to trust people – or mythical creatures, in her case – as blindly as she did. I looked over at her and saw two tears falling down her cheek and for an endless moment, her eyes were full of sadness and grief that I couldn't help her with, that I couldn't understand. Then the moment was over, and the very Bella-like kittenish fury washed every other emotion away.

'Is he still here?' she hissed.

'Yes,' I answered, gesturing toward small path through the trees in front of us, 'he's waiting for us there.'

She nodded, her lips pursed into a hard line and then jumped out of the car, storming straight to _him._ She was angry and was probably not going to fall into his arms, but still, I didn't like it. And what if he lost control? What if he changed-

I didn't even finish my thought, I just leaped out of the car and was by her side in an instant, wrapping my arms around her waist.

'Let me go!' She tried to wriggle out of my grip. 'I'm going to murder him! _Traitor_!' she screamed toward the trees, her hands still clenched into fists.

Jacob's smug thoughts were beginning to fade away, guilt and doubt were taking over. Now _my_ thoughts were smug, I really liked the idea of Bella having murderous thoughts about the mongrel.

'Charlie will hear you,' I warned her. 'And... once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway.'

She looked back at the house and seemed to calm down for a moment before turning her kittenish fury back to Jacob, who was still waiting in the forest.

'Just give me one round with Jacob and then I'll deal with Charlie,' Bella half growled.

'Jacob Black wants to see _me_,' I told her. 'That's why he's still here.'

The struggling in my arms stopped, her body went rigid and her eyes stared blankly ahead.

Before I could panic and ask what was wrong or if I'd hurt her, she whispered, 'Talk?'.

'More or less,' I answered hesitantly. I didn't want to say too much, I would leave the explaining part to Jacob.

'How much more?' Bella demanded, though her voice was still weak and shaky.

'He's not here to fight me. He's acting as... spokesperson for the pack.'

'Oh.'

'_I'm going to… soon as… walks through the door… never again! … grounded…'_ Charlie's muffled thoughts were getting angrier every minute.

'We should hurry,' I said, 'Charlie's getting impatient.'

Bella nodded and I led her toward Jacob, tightening my grip around her waist, an answer to the frantic, worried thoughts as we approached the dog. When I saw him, I was surprised. I'd expected the skinny, shy teenage boy I remembered. The last time I'd seen him had been at the prom, when he was still a boy. Now he was a full-grown man who towered above Bella and me, looking self-assured and arrogant.  
His child-like features had disappeared, his face now held a furious and wary expression. He looked too old to be only sixteen.  
But the biggest surprise was the fact that I didn't hate him. I _wanted _to hate him, but I simply couldn't. I heard his thoughts as he saw Bella, and even though the perfect mask his face was didn't give anything away, he couldn't hide his thoughts for me. He loved her. And I was incapable of hating a person who loved Bella, not even a stinking dog.

I didn't hate him, but that didn't change anything to the fact that Bella was not allowed to be close to him, so I kept a what I considered safe distance and I placed my body in front of Bella.

'_I'm not going to attack her, bloodsucker. You can chill.' _Jacob found my protective actions extremely entertaining.

I rolled my eyes and felt Bella shift behind me, looking over my shoulder to eye Jacob angrily.

'Bella,' Jacob broke the silence, giving her a short nod. He didn't look at me.

'Why?' Bella asked and she seemed on the verge of tears again. 'How could you do this to me, Jacob?'

The boy's arrogant grin faded away, but his mask didn't. 'It's for the best.'

'_If you won't let me see her, you won't get to see her either. Take that, leech.'_ His aggressive, provoking thoughts were, of course, directed at me again. But he still didn't look me in the eyes once.

'What is _that _supposed to mean?' Bella hissed. 'Do you want Charlie to _strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?'

The Harry-thing seemed to struck a chord, Jacob flinched almost unnoticeably.

'_No… No, I… I'd never hurt Charlie intentionally. It was for the best. For Bella.'_

'He didn't want to hurt anyone – he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me,' I explained, because I knew Jacob would never admit his childish behavior and jealousy to Bella.

Now Jacob did look at me, and it was a murderous look. I just stared back, showing no emotion whatsoever.

'Aw, Jake! I'm _already_ grounded!' Bella moaned. 'Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?'

'_Huh? What? But… She…' _He glanced at Bella in confusion.

'That's why?' he asked insecurely. Ah, this was the Jacob I remembered.

I was quick enough to explain his thoughts once again, I kind of enjoyed his annoyance that I could read his mind. 'He thought _I_ wouldn't let you, not Charlie.'

'Stop that,' Jacob ordered, his temper flaring up. _Dangerous, get her out of here!_ My instincts were screaming at me.

'Bella wasn't exaggerating about your... abilities. So you must already know why I'm here,' Jacob said.

'Yes,' I replied. 'But, before you begin, I need to say something.' I had to do this. I'd been thinking about ways to contact him for a while now, I had to thank him for saving Bella, and for protecting her when I wasn't there.

'Thank you,' I told him. 'I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my...' I paused for a second. If I said _life_ now, I didn't want to know what his response would be, 'existence.'

Jacob froze, staring at me in astonishment. Apparently, he hadn't thought it possible for vampires to have feelings, let alone to express feelings. That's why he wanted to take Bella away from me, because he thought I didn't – couldn't – love her. The boy still had so much to learn.

'For keeping Bella alive,' I continued. 'When I... didn't.'

Bella sighed behind me. 'Edward,' she started, but I motioned her to stop. I already knew what she was going to say, and I didn't agree at all. It _was_ my fault.

'I didn't do it for your benefit,' he spat out, his anger coming to the surface again.

He'd done it for himself, mostly, but also for Bella. And again, I hated that I couldn't hate him, because he had helped Bella through the darkest period of her life, which I had been the cause of.

'I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you –'

'_You could leave again, you know, doing what you're good at,'_ he offered. _'I don't mind helping you get six feet under the ground, where you belong.'_

'That's not in my power.'

He growled. 'Who's then?'

'Hers,' I answered, nodding toward Bella. 'I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistakes twice. I'm here until she orders me away.' And even then, I'd always keep waiting for her. Forever.

Bella looked up at me again, and the flame of love flared up again in all its strength and beauty as our gazes locked. In that little moment, everything was right.

'Never,' she whispered softly, completing the moment.

'Ugh.' And of course, leave it to the dog to ruin it. I sighed, his thoughts weren't exactly proper to mention.

'Was there something else you needed, Jacob?' Bella asked him, and I was pleased to hear the sharp edge in her voice. 'You wanted me in trouble – mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?'

Not even now, not even after her declaration that nothing could part me and her again, his mask fell. I had to admire his strength, I didn't think I could've done it any better. Then again, he didn't love her nearly as much as I did.

'I just needed to remind your _bloodsucking_ _friends_ of a few of the key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute.'

'_I certainly hope you leeches didn't forget about the treaty. Or maybe I don't, then at least Sam would allow me to rip you to pieces.'_ Jacob's thoughts were getting more and more hostile.

'We haven't forgotten.' My response came quickly, automatic. I didn't want Bella to know about this, so I wanted this conversation to be over as soon as possible. Because if Bella told Jacob something about her plans… let's just say I might not be able to hold my 'no fighting'-promise to Bella.

But of course, Bella was just as quick to answer Jacob as I was. 'What key points?'

Jacob answered, his eyes never leaving me. 'The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_, not kill.'

'That's none of your business,' Bella gasped, too quickly for me to stop her.

'The hell it-' And then the words pierced through the mask. Astonishment, hurt and rage were his main feelings, but in the background there was so much more. Betrayal, agony… love. And the worst thing was that he pictured it. Everything. Bella, lying on a bed, writhing while I held her with my teeth buried in the flesh of her neck. Her cold, lifeless body afterwards, because he thought that she might not survive it. He didn't think I would have the strength. And the second possibility, something he loathed even more, was the image of Bella by my side, frozen forever at eighteen.

'_No. He's lying. She's lying. No! NO! I'll kill him! I will, I'll kill you, you filthy parasite!'_

He was shaking heavily now, barely holding on to his self-control.

'Jake?' Bella asked as she stepped forward hesitantly. 'You okay?'

I snatched her away from him and pushed her body behind me again, preparing myself for a possible fight. 'Careful! He's not under control,' I warned her.

'Ugh. _I_ would never hurt her,' he said aloud. And then, just for me, he thought, _'I'd never hurt her like you did. You say you love her, but how can you possibly love her when you did this to her?'_

I hissed, but he didn't stop.

He showed me images of Bella, lying on the floor of the forest, wet, cold and shaking, though she barely even seemed to notice.  
Bella, when she came to visit him for the first time. It wasn't the Bella I knew, only a shadow of the girl she used to be. Her features were even paler than usual, she was very thin and her eyes were… lifeless. She didn't seem to think as she moved, her eyes just stared ahead, as if she was trying to escape the world around her.  
Bella, clutching her arms around her chest as she fell apart on the floor of Jacob's garage.

'Stop. Please,' I whispered very low, knowing that Bella wouldn't hear it. She shouldn't suffer with me.

'BELLA! YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!' Charlie yelled, effectively ending the flood of thoughts that Jacob kept throwing at me.

'Crap,' Bella murmured. I stroked her hand to try to soothe her, but I knew how mad Charlie was going to be. I glared at the dog and I was pleased to see that he seemed at least a bit ashamed of what he had done to Bella.

'I _am_ sorry about that,' Jacob said. 'I had to do what I could – I had to try...'

'Thanks,' Bella said, her voice even and emotionless. I could tell she was tired from this conversation and scared about what Charlie was going to do.

'Just one more thing,' I promised her, before looking at Jacob again. 'We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line – have you?' This, Bella's safety, was the only reason why I was still being polite to the mutt. We needed to work together to keep the girl we both loved safe.

'The last time was while Bella was... away,' Jacob muttered. 'We let her think she was slipping through – we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her, but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since.'

I nodded. 'When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll-'

Jacob cut me off. 'She killed on our turf. She's ours!' he snarled.

No. Victoria had tried to hurt _my_ Bella, so she was mine to kill. Hadn't these children ever heard about what happened when someone tried to kill our mates? Or didn't they understand the word _love_?

'No,' Bella began, but Charlie's voice boomed through the forest again.

'BELLA! I _SEE_ HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN _ONE_ MINUTE...!'

'Let's go,' I said, tugging Bella with me. I was concerned that Charlie might get a stroke if I didn't get Bella inside the house this instant. At first Bella just followed me, but then she stopped and looked behind.

Jacob's mask had finally fallen down, and now all I could see on his face was his child-like remorse and sadness. 'Sorry. Bye, Bells.'

'You promised,' Bella said with the pleading eyes I'd never been able to resist, 'Still friends, right?'

'You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but... I can't see how to keep trying. Not now...' I sympathized for the boy, I knew how hard it was to let Bella go.

Bella didn't speak. It was silent once more, until Jacob whispered, 'Miss you.'

He stretched his hand out towards her as if to grab her away from me. I tightened my grip around her again, keeping her close to me. _Mine.  
_Then my heart shattered. Bella stretched her hand out too, to _him_. Away from me, to a _dog_. Not even a human, that choice I could've understood, if she wanted a normal human life, she could get it. She should get it. But _not_ another mythical creature, possibly even more dangerous than me. _Not_ a werewolf.

'Me too,' she whispered, her voice trembling with the tears that were welling in her eyes.

No. She… she wanted… No. _Mine._

I pulled her away, not even thinking about things like taking away her free will or not respecting her choices. I only knew that she wasn't his, that she and I belonged together.

'It's okay.' She looked up at me, her brown eyes wide with trust and love. Love for me, or for him?

'No, it's not.' She looked at me in disbelief. _I'm sorry, love. I can't let you go. Not again._

'Let her go! She _wants_ to!' Jacob roared, his thoughts smug. He thought he'd won already. As if I were going to give up so easily. He should know that no matter how hard he fought, I'd fight twice as hard.

'_Come on, bloodsucker. Do it! Fight with me, may the best man win.' _The stupid kid was provoking me. "_Tempt not a desperate man." _I pushed Bella out of the way, crouching down to end this ridiculous battle for once and for all.

'No! Edward –'

'ISABELLA SWAN!' Charlie yelled.

I didn't listen to the other voices around me, I just followed my instincts. Muscles tensed, teeth bared and snarling under my breath I slowly approached the pup who thought he was a man already.

'Come on, Charlie's mad!' Bella said urgently. 'Hurry!' She grabbed my arm, entwining our fingers. _Mine._ I looked at Jacob and he had noticed it too. She'd taken _my _hand, not his. In a moment of crisis, she still came to me. And she always would. I'd won.

'_Go. Please, just go,'_ Jacob pleaded with me. And I wouldn't rub it in. I wanted to say something, but words weren't necessary. He knew that I'd won.

I took a deep breath and turned around as I felt Bella's fingers grasp my hand a little tighter. We'd always be together, we'd proved that. No matter how much time passed, no matter how many miles were between us, we'd always have our love, connecting us beyond time and space.

_Ever thine, every mine, ever ours._

**I know, the quotes weren't very original, but I just think they fit in the story very well.  
I'm sorry to see this story go, I had a lot of fun writing it. A huge thanks to all the people who reviewed and supported me, it means a lot to me. Please let me know what you thought of this last chapter.**

**Love,**

**Sugargirl**


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